My 2 Cents

Ivanka And Jared’s 2009 Wedding…Was Interesting. Here Are Some Details.

Weddings—and marriages in general, let’s be real—require tons of work that sometimes end in less-than-satisfactory results.

Surely, Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner know this well. A review of their marriage timeline offers considerable insights into the couple’s overall #vibes—and a chance, too, to poke fun at the current First Family’s uniquely over-branded M.O. It started with an engagement heard around the world and ended with tongue-in-cheek reviews and a wide range of criticism from the press.

Here are a few highlights. If you’re planning a wedding of your own, run your ideas through these filters.

Like Father, Like Daughter, #TweetYourMantra

The New York Times ran a 2009 column that broke down the couple’s “royal wedding in real estate circles,” canvassing their wedding gift registry and sharing snippets of Ivanka’s thoughts throughout the process.

“Relax,” she tweeted all those years ago. “It’s just another party, just another party, just another party…”


The Value-Added Invitation

The couple selected classic blue Tiffany stationery for their wedding invitations. Sensible? Of course. What’s peculiar, though, are the things that were supposedly sealed within each invite: Inserts that invitees could redeem for free rounds of golf at Donald’s courses.

“…Her story was filled with various inaccuracies, including those about the weather and the ‘marketing flyer’ included in the invitation, which were both easily fact-checkable,” Ivanka explained to New York magazine, referencing a story by the New York Post that described the strange, value-added invitations.


Questionable Choices In Party Favors

Wedding guests were gifted with books in Hebrew and white thong sandals embossed with the couple’s names and little tags that remarked on how great a “pair” they were. Aw, how cute! Not. A basket of flip-flops placed near the dance floor for high heel-wearing guests who want to dance is thoughtful.

Force-feeding your guests with religious epithets and branded rubber instead of a cute little bouquet or, I don’t know, a freaking picture frame? Useless.

Learning To Cook In Adulthood? Priceless

Ivanka decided to learn her way around a kitchen once Jared popped the question. In predictable #RelateToTheMasses style, she told the Wall Street Journal that she loved the immersion blender Jared gifted her, as she was “really into soups.”

“I was a total incompetent in the kitchen,” Ivanka told Wendy Williams in 2012. “I probably would have Googled how to boil an egg at that point in my life.”

As for their own wedding gift list? The couple’s Tiffany registry is still available online. It’s all been purchased, so they don’t need another $650 sterling silver photo frame or a backup $340 vegetable spoon. Phew!

All of this is just to say that this man and his children have always been brand- and money-minded above all else. They wear these characteristics with pride, and it’s important to keep that in mind as they consult with world leaders, offer their input on foreign policy, and answer domestic calls for leadership.

TweetYourMantra: It’s just another two years, just another two years, just another two years…